I copied this from Miss. Z.. Sorry girl~

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

My mind is not here anymore. I have a final paper this friday (23rd), submit my thesis draft next monday (26th), 2 more final papers on 29th and 30th.. And submission of final GBI report on 29th. Life is not on the right track.. Especially i have been sick again and again.. Also, the event that has just taken place.. If suicide is not a sin, i would probably have commit to it.. Because of all the pressures i have to encounter each day.. Apart from school and private life, surroundings have treated me badly too.. Banyak sangat hal yang jadi and it really test my patience.. All i need is just a time that i can be alone and sleep or ample time so that i can handle each matter one at a time..

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? ::Yes::
2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? ::No::
3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time? ::30th October 2011::
4. Would you ever smile at a stranger? ::No::
5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? ::I guess::
6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? ::I don't listen to songs anymore::
7. What exactly are you wearing right now? ::Sweat pants + t-shirt + sweater::
8. How often do you listen to music? ::Entah::
9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? ::Jeans::
10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2012? ::It just did::
11. Are you a social or an antisocial person? ::Honestly? Antisocial. I love staying in rather than socializing::
12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’? ::Does my nephew counts? Then YES::
13. What about ‘B’? ::I'd say my dad then::
14. Can you drive a stick shift? ::i don't even know what is that::
15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? ::I do, but i won't stop them::
16. Are you going out of town soon? ::Yes.. Very soon::
17. When was the last time you cried? ::Minutes ago when i read Miss Z's page.. i feel u dear::
18. Have you ever told someone you loved them? ::Definitely::
19. If you could change your eye color, would you? ::I would not::
20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for? ::Yes, very much::
21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. ::I'm not over him yet::
22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? ::Yes.. & i am tearing again::
23. Are you dating the last person you talked to? ::I wish i am.. :(::
24. What are you sitting on right now? ::carpet::
25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? ::Him, used to::
26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? ::Yes.. Very much::
27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? ::I bbm-ed him::
28. Do you get a lot of colds? ::I am having one now::
29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? ::Berjaya Time Square (with him)::
30. Does anyone hate you? ::I guess::
31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? ::No::
32. Do you like watching scary movies? ::Yes::
33. Do you want your tongue pierced? ::No::
34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? ::None::
35. Did you have a dream last night? ::No::
36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? ::about before i copied this entry::
37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? ::I don't know::
38. Do you think someone has feelings for you? ::I don't know::
39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? ::I don't know::
40. Did you have a good day yesterday? ::No::
41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? ::Yes::
42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl? ::No::
43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? ::Yes::
44. What’s the best part about school? ::Dealing with morons everyday::
45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? ::Yes::
46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? ::Used to.. Now we bbm each other::
47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? ::All the time::
48. Were you single over the last summer? ::No::
49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? :;No::
50. What are you supposed to be doing right now? :;Doing my assignment::
51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? ::No.. I love him very much::
52. Are you nice to everyone? ::No::
53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? ::No::
54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? ::Yes::
55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? ::No::
56. Do you think you like someone? ::I love him still::
57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? ::No::
58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? ::Depends on their behavior::
59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? ::Yes::
60. Do you hate anyone? ::No::
61. How’s your heart? ::Broken::
62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? ::Yes::
63. Have you ever cried over a guy? ::Yes::
64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? ::I don't know and don't care::
65. Are your toenails painted pink? ::No::
66. Will your next kiss be a mistake? :;No::
67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct? ::No::
68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? ::No::
69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? ::Him::
70. How do you look right now? ::Ugly with tears on cheek + sick + a lot in pain::
71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? ::Yes, him:;
72. Can you commit to one person? ::Yes::
73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? ::Yes::
74. Have you ever felt replaced? ::Yes::
75. Did you wake up cranky? ::No::
76. Are you a jealous person? ::Yes::
77. Are relationships ever worth it? ::With him.. Yes::
78. Anyone you’re giving up on? ::No::
79. Currently wanting to see anyone? ::Yes::
80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? ::Attend class::
81. Last person you cried in front of? ::Him::
82. Is there someone you will never forget? ::Yes::
83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? ::I know he does::
84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? ::I would listen to what the person has to say and want me to do next.. Because i am nothing without this person presence::
85. Are you over your past? ::before him, YES::
86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? ::No::
87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? ::No.. One person listens about school, one person listen about my crap surrounding, one person listen to how much i love him::
88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?Yes
89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? ::definitely::
90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? ::No::
91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? ::No::
92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? ::Yes::
93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? ::No::
94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going? ::No.. We were separated back then but though we were apart, i love him dearly::
95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March? ::He was not around and my life was dreadful.. Pretended to have a happy life and tried to socializing and i hated it::
96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? ::Him.. Yes.. Very much::
97. Who do you have texts from? :;Classmates::
98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? ::I'd say ok but everyone knows that isn't my sincere answer::
99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? ::Family.. Yes::
100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? ::No one::
101. Ever kissed under fireworks? ::Yes.. Him::
102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? ::Yes::

I miss you more and more each day... :(

kadang2 kita tepaksa~

Friday, December 16, 2011

Dear daisy

Hello darling.. You have gone through one heck of a life didn't you. Lot of things have taken place and you did few mistakes along the way as well.. And you are not proud of it. For months u have been reading not so wonderful things and you managed to keep it low cuma kadang2 telepas2 juga kan.. And today you didn't behave well either..

Banyak benda yang sakitkan hati awak, kan? Same things happened to other party. True the other person never complaint as much as you do. Banyak sebab punca kenapa boleh jadi macam tu kan.. But you chose to remain silent.. Betul, complain tp tak menyeluruh. You didn't tell the world what's exactly have been bothering you.. Tak sure itu tindakan bijak atau bodoh.. But judging from what happened earlier, yurp it was so stupid of you.

You said things that shouldn't been said and acted the way you shouldn't have done. Kenapa buat in the first place? If the other party thinks dia receives so much pressure from both side, well darling.. Its about time for daisy to come clean.. Daisy has been receiving the same pressure from both too but for different motives and objectives, of course. But the point is, both of them are sort of in the boat but with different "pak sampan"..

The degree and amount of pressure could be different but the impact is similar. Because of that daisy acted stubbornly and bombarded with so many questions. Something not to be proud of, obviously. Maybe if daisy could talk about her pressure openly, things like this can be avoided.. Alas, nasi dah jadi bubur. I really hope daisy can survives days after this..

Azam daisy bila jejak masuk awal muharam tempoh hari, dia akan lepaskan all the old bricks.. Tapi, the bricks wouldn't want to leave.. Temasuk semua dialog, status yang dia dengar dan baca.. Penah ada orang tanya apa dia rasa? Tak da siapa pun. The other person was the only person she trusted that would at least try to stand by her side.. Alas, didn't happen. Knowing the burden that the other person has to carry, daisy started to think all those crappy and negative things. Not by choice.. Gangguan setan mungkin?

She got all those negatives ideas and judgement though the other person has told her so many times not to think this and that.. But she just couldn't stop because those were hurtful and plus with the pressure she receives everyday.

Daisy just hope the other person would really try to understand what drove her to act and say. The other person might say it was her choice but it wasn't. It was not entirely true. daisy loves the other person dearly and very much.

Daisy just want the other person to know that daisy loves the other person so much and she is really sorry for everything. She knows she's aint a good person but she knows deeply that she loves the other person very much.