Updates January~

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Hey blog.. We are approaching the end of January. How fast time fly. Did i ever manage to gain anything in January? i doubt i did. Nevertheless, i did finish my MBA. praise to Allah for that. I was so busy for the past two months. Naik darah melayan perangai sorang team mate ni. Again, Allahdulillah semua dah settle and hopefully everything is well and will be even better for me and my course mates, Insya Allah.

As soon as i finished submitting my final report, i went to HR and serah diri. The JPSM gave me few forms to fill in and ordered me to go here and there. I did 50% of the requirements. Now i still have few more forms to fill in but i'm just not quite there. As i mentioned in my previous post, i am just not in the mood of doing anything. Although that, the date for me to start my new job is fixed already. Tapi nanti2lah fikir or cari rumah and pack. I just don't feel like going.. At all...

Since i was so busy before, i didn't get to finish reading up my book, Deception Point. Sumpah tak da masa.. Dengan sakit and sedih and everything.. So after every task is done, curilah sedikit masa to read few books. Honestly speaking, it was an effort to force myself to stop crying. Did it work? Not really. Read the book but tearing at the same time. Mata ni sangatlah pedih.. I don't feel like updating my blog.. Who's reading? Who cares about what i am going through? If ada, terima kasih sangat2. I really appreciate..

I finished this last week,

Then i read this,

Knowing that my new house won't have astro, so i need to finish this book before i leave. Cerita ini sedang ditayangkan on astro prima on tuesday night. Dah start follow, maka rasa nak tau endingnya.. Not a bad book.. Tapi tak adalah seronok sangat..

Now, my current reading is..

Most of my girl friends read this book back in 2010 and they said the book is amazing. I already read halfway but i don't feel a thing. I don't feel touch or awwww by it. Maybe i am just not into lovey dovey kind of book.. I am more into thriller and mysterious kind of books. Dah alang2 baca, kena habiskan.. Azab nak habiskan..

Three books in a week and it failed to put any impact on me. I am still crying.. I am still thinking and pondering about it. Nothing changed. I really wish i could just continue on sleeping.. No joke...

Thanks blog.. I just had to do something to distract me.. But i gotta tell u, updating u is not helping me at all....


When will i stop crying

Friday, January 27, 2012

Spending my days and nights inside my room and doing nothing apart from crying.. Day in and day out. Not talking to anyone but i do eat.. Once a day.. Better than nothing. Not talking, not doodling.. Not typing.. Keeping all my accounts idle. Moving out in few days and i am not packed even a bit. If i have a huge sum of money, i would definitely pay the KPT back so that i don't have to start working or moving on or out.. I can't stand up.. Walking out from my room requires me to force myself and use all energy left. Which.. Practically, i have none.. No one knows how sad i am.. How much i want to hang myself.. How much i don't want to stay awake.. Or at least, how much i do not want to walk out from my room.. Let me be..

All this while, i have reasons to wake up.. To do this and that because i have a goal to achieve. Now that the goal and dream had been taken away.. Apa lagi yang tinggal? Apa lagi nak buat? Tak ada pape.. Hence i don't see the point of getting up, getting dress and put up a happy smile.. If people want to say i am pathetic or stupid.. Please.. Say whatever you want.. I just could not be bothered anymore.. Orang nampak and nak kata kita bodoh, silakanlah.. I don't have a soul, nor back bone anymore.. I just don't care about how my life would turn out to be anymore.. I just don't care.. Jadilah pape pun.. Sikit pun kita dah tak kesah.. I have lost everything.. The only thing left now is my tears.. It keeps my eyes and cheeks accompany everyday...

I wish I'm dead or have serious head injury!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Hey blog,

You read the title correctly. Some may be jumping around knowing what kind of mess I'm currently going through. I wish there is a soul that could understand but I don't think there is any. I am so sad and I really wish that I could stop myself from crying but unfortunately for me, I cannot.

I really wish that I can sleep and don't have to wake up... Or if I ever will wake up, I hope everything is just a dream. Because the pain I have to endure is unbearable. Kita tak cukup kuat nak go through this..... Only HE knows how I feel now.. I am speechless and could never able to describe how exactly I feel... May HE granted my prayers and I put my faith and believes in HIS hands...

I hope u could try to understand my condition...


Bulan Satu~

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

We just entered 2012 but why i don't feel like i am in the month of January? Macam tak ada apa2 yang menarik je? What am I expecting this month? Hurmmm..

1. Sitting for my one last final paper which i just did this morning. Ada kesilapan teknikal soalan, makanya Alhamdulillah banyak.. Luck was on our side. The paper ended at 12noon just now. Said good bye to few friends as i might will not be seeing them again after this..

Btw, thanx so much for those who called me, texted me, bbm-ed me, whatsapp-ed me, mentioned me on twitter just to wish me luck on each paper i sat.. Sangat2 appreciate.. Thank yous~

2. My VIVA presentation is scheduled to be on January 11th, a day after Aqil's birthday. Wowwy.. Today we are supposed to resubmit our final draft report but we failed to get it done.. Study for final was sort of our main priority (kottt~).. This Friday, 5th January we will seeing our advisor for PPT final checked. Not sure who will be presented. It might be me..

3. Have to amend the report if we will ever be asked to and submit the report on the 20th. Then i shall be free.. Hoping everything will go smoothly and as planned.. Doa tak putus2 dari kite, ayah and mamy.. Thank you so much..

4. A friend of mine is getting engaged on the 21st.. Congrats to Nicky and his partner, Qistina.. Semoga kekal jodoh hingga ke syurga.. Nicky is a dear friend of mine, please do stay faithful to him!!~

5. Will have to start packing and i am leaving KL for good (wow...~) alone. Parents are staying.. So kalau orang tanya, "kampung cik daisy di mana?", "well saya orang KL..".. Ahax.. Some friends had already expressed their sadness.. They requested me to come back on every weekend.. Wow, cannot.. Expensive.. Sorang je kata, "tak payah baik selalu2.. Simpan duit for future planning".. Baiklah.. Anyhow, i am thankful to have such wonderful friends.. So yeah, start packing and start cari rumah baru. I will be staying alone.. Hopefully cukup gajinya nanti nak bayar sewa and utility.. Hmmmm..

Well, those are the things that i have to do in January.. I hope i am strong enough to do and to face all. I have wonderful parents that never stop praying for me, never stop talking sense into my head and never stop advising me. I love them dearly and it is my time to take care of them..~

I had conversations with few friends and they gave me such harsh, stern yet wonderful advices. I didn't any word and i didn't reject any word.. Semuanya masih segar kat kepala ni and masih duk terdengar2 kat telinga.. Nak pindah ni bukan sesuatu yang senang, insya Allah, I will be fine.. Thank yous..

Last but not least, enjoy this lyric, ya.. Wish i could share the music/voice as well.. Takkan jumpa lirik ni kat mana2 (kottt).. :)

Hari demi Hari, aku kan mengerti,
Tiap detik masa ini, kita lalui,
Lirikkan mata nya, membuat ku sedar,
Kadang kala perasaan, tidak di duga,

Yang ku nantikan terangnya mentari,
Hujan berlabuh tiada henti,

Malam ku kasihku, hanya,
Tertulis kata kata di hatiku,
Mungkin yg kucari selama ini,
Hanya di depan ku,
Bila, berbisik bisik ku di mata hati,
Mungkin mainan ego sendiri,
Hanya di depan ku

Bermusim musim berlalu,
Takut, mainan di fikiran ku,
Senyuman yg ku tahu, resah ku tak tertanggung,
Ku tahu bahwa, hanya dia...

Repeat Chorus

Signing off~


Recap - 2011~

Monday, January 2, 2012

2nd day of 2012 and Alhamdulillah i'm still breathing and live life normally though not as happy as i imagined would be. Lots have taken place in 2011, sweet, bitter, happy, sad moments.. Everything...

January 2011
I heard the most unwanted things to be heard by anyone on this entire planet. It was on 22 January and 24 January to be exact. Alhamdulillah i had ayah by my side at that time. He was my source of life at that time. Friends were very supportive and i followed them to watch my very first theater; Tun M Musical Theater. It was fine and i learnt a lot.

February 2011
I could not really recall what happened in February except that Daia got married to Bedi but i did not manage to attend her wedding. It was during CNY and banjir so mamy told me not to go.. Now, she's pregnant and in another 5 weeks time she'll be giving birth to her baby boy.

Also, me and friends went to Stadium Malawati Shah Alam for Maher Zain's concert. I had a fine time there.. I knew only few songs before but after attending the concert, i got to know almost every song of his.. *Suke*

March 2011
Friends and I went to Istana Budaya and watched Terima Kasih Cinta the Musical.. I almost fell asleep. Though that i made 2 new friends that night. It was fun listening to their whole experiences and knowledge. They reminded me of Dice.. But then again, what was the point kan.. On 5th and 6th March, best friend got married to Zul.. I was happy for her.. At her wedding was the first time i met Dice again after 2 months. I missed him a lot but he ignored me.. It was frustrating but no point to do anything.. Redha..

Then friends and i went to watch Lat Kampung Boy the Musical and again, i made 2 new friends. That theater was amazing and it was super funny and hilarious :) Then the rest of the month i spent my nights at Starbucks for group assignments and i even celebrated the Earth Hour there.. Thanx to the staffs, we had a great time..

April 2011
Started to be friends again with Dice and few days later i found out the most frustrating news ever.. MASA TU LA sebab months after that i found another news.. Anyway, that news changed me in a split second. I love him but hurt at the same time. What was on my mind at that time, let it remain there.. Thou hurt, i tried my best to treat him fairly.. Tapi kadang2 tu terslip juga..

Sat for my final exams and submitted all assignments and projects. What a relieve.. And i was so blessed to have Dice around me at that time. Though i didn't tell him, i was so thankful to have him back in my life though at that time i was so afraid to accept him entirely and i put walls in between..

May 2011
My girlfriends and i went to Guilin for a short vacation. A trip where they planned to cheer me up because of the break up but only got to enjoy it after Dice and i started to speak again.. Alas, it was fun and i appreciate everything. Thank you so much :) I love Dice more and more even i didn't tell him and still have not accept him fully.. Dice fetched me up at the airport and on our way back to TTDI, we snapped our very first picture together. Slowly i took a step forward..

Then on the 15th, my family and i went to Seoul for a family trip. I had a blast time there.. But missing Dice so much.. Kept on counting hours when can i go back and see him.. And again, he fetched me at the airport.. Parents and others naik kereta lain.. Fun moment with Dice alone in the car..

Friends and i went to Sungai Congkak for a picnic and mandi2 sungai.. It was awesome. First time pergi picnic with friends. I had a blast time. Got to know Fza J a little bit better.. It was fine.. But macam biasa, kite tak masuk air.. Budak takut air, memang macam ni.. Apa yang fobia sangat entah..~

June 2011
I was busy with ABR and others. And celebrated my birthday a week before my actual date.

July 2011
I watched live football match (international team) for the very first time at the stadium and Dice was with me.. Yeay!!~ Sangat suka and i was hoping that more activities can be done just the two of us.. Loved his accompany..

Next, we watched Dreamgirls the Musical at Istana Budaya. It was fine.. Dice was with us. I welcomed him more in my life. Started to feel better about having him back in my life and slowly i stopped "torturing" him.. I meant, i wasn't being so nice to him sebab traumatized...

August 2011
The month of fasting. Ada buka luar few times with dice and friends. And one time kita keluar berbuka beramai2 without dice.. It was awkward and sad of not having him around.. But did anyone ask me? Never did.. pointing fingers at the end? Yes... Went to Tioman for a short work + vacay. Dice accompanied me. I really appreciate his help and he taught me lots of things while we were there.. Sangat suka.. Terima kasih :)

September 2011
Celebrated raya this year with family and of course with Dice on the second day. he came back on the second day and i appreciated it very much. I felt so blessfull.. Love me even more and trying hard to kill all the frustration. It was not easy though..

Started my third semester and i had to face few obstacles at first.. But today, alhamdulillah.. I am still doing fine.. Attended few courses at Pullman Hotel, Putrajaya.. But that was it, i think..

Next, me and friends went to Hawa's crib to celebrate hari raya there. I missed Hawa so much and that visit was awesome.. Hope i could go there again in the near future.. Insya Allah..

October 2011
Peak month for me. With works started to piling up and i got sick at the same time. It was a bad moment in my life. I was diagnosed to suffer from VERTIGO.. And i have not got better ever since. Sekarang pun masih sakit, but i am not as bad as before. Alhamdulillah..

Went to Singapore with my girl friends. It was great, even terkejar and very tiring. Dengan tak cukup tidur sebab assignments and everything. While i was at USS, i experienced my this year's first ever VERTIGO.. I was alone.. Sumpah, perlukan kebelakonan yang sangat maksima.. I went through it alone simply because did not want to spoil anyone's mood..

On 30th October, i found out another news and it haunted me ever since. Did i have anyone to tell what i felt? No.. I did tell him but he did not really pay any attention.. Perhaps he did, but maybe not entirely.. I'm speechless.. We can't expect others to have the similar problem solving method as we do, can we?

November 2011
Even though the month just 2months ago.. But i can hardly recall anything. Perhaps, nothing much happened in November.. Except that i went to Kuching with my classmates. It was fine and tiring.. And also face a minor heartache sebab sorang dua yang piaw punya annoying.. But i got through it, that's the most important thing.. Had one time dinner and lunch with his family and to me it went well..

December 2011
Terlalu banyak heartache.. About Dice, study, people in the family got sick from person to another.. I myself fell sick again.. So yeah.. Too many events taken place in December.. I cried almost every night.. Skipped classes almost every day.. Spent more time in my room rather than going out.. Alas, one great event taken place, where we welcomed the first grand daughter in the family.. Danisha Ilyana.. Great.. Joyful.. I love her..

Conclusion; this year kite selalu sakit.. January + July + September + October + December.. MCs all the way.. Hope in 2012, i will have a better health.. Insya ALLAH.. Just a quick confession, I ♥ people that i love and i know i am not that kind of person who would show the love. However i never stop praying for them and will try to help selagi termampu..

Hope my 2012 will be less rocky and full with joy..

Signing Out~