Life Review..~

Friday, April 24, 2015

Sitting at my office desk doing my work and let the playlist shuffles and plays the songs by itself. Songs were from years ago since i have no time to download new songs. Every single song that plays make me have this flashbacks on how my life was and who i was. Things i did great and tremendously well, things i did wrong and not proud of (but of course i had the best time in my life), about people who made me who i am today (which means these people had caused a lot of heartache and pain), people that were and still with me and not to forget about people that i had hurt. Seriously... I hurt too many people.. Too many boys/men.. Truly sorry for that.

For whole my life, parents had taught me to do this "timbang kira" before deciding anything. I mean, they always let me decide things on my own with a message "be responsible with what you will decide and face any consequences that you may cause". So yeah.. Result to that, i always explore the world and build mountain high wall around me. Only let people into my life or know a bit about me once i trust the people or at least feel very comfortable. With that being said, i had (still have) this one habit of turning off people or walk out of people's lives unnoticed. A very bad thing to do, but that is what i always do.Leave people unexplained and let them blame me is a lot easier than to explain myself why i have to move and let them feel they are not good enough to be around me (perasan max here).

Speaking about men/boys.. To be honest, i had hurt almost too many men before i actually chose my husband to be the one. I  had the chance to mingle, evaluate and analyse before i decide who i want to be with. All men were nice, fine, caring, lovable but they were just not good enough to be fit into my life. Everyone would have their own criteria in selecting partner and i am included in that matter as well. Some girls would look into the qualification, money matters, what kind of car they are driving and such. Jujur, amanah, solat and others tu memang syarat wajib, though.

My criteria had been these;
1. Love me more than i love him
2. Can have a long distance relationship
3. Someone i can trust to take care of my parents if anything happen to me or if i am not around
4. Leave me to handle myself
5. Support my decision but tell me if i do wrong
6. Have stable monthly income. No i don't want his money. The stable income is very important so he would always able to give my nafkah. Kalau tak bayar, dia berdosa.
7. Able to communicate with my parents
8. Ringan tulang. Can do things even if i do not tell him to. Especially during kenduri and such.
9. Not a shopaholic because i hate walking in the malls. Leceh.
10. Have sense of humour so we can always have fun and not stuck with stupid and pointless arguments.

I am pretty sure, most girls would have the similar criteria as well but those may not be their priorities whilst me, those are the first things i look in men. Ada degree ke tak ke, tu tak jadi masalah. Kalau ada, ok.. Tak ada pun tak apa. Benda yang boys selalu fail di mata kita would be, they always take me to the malls as if i always have things to buy. And always stick around me way too much like i am a 3 years old girl that need protection. Rimas wehy. Or become too romantic that made them feel that i need flowers and fine dining all the time. Drive around and everywhere. Come one, i wanted a BF at that time and not a driver.

To shorthen the long story, i had only 3 boyfriends (include hubs) in my life. I trusted them. But of course shit happened between me and the other 2. Nak but macam mana. Sorang tu tak tau kat mana. The other one is still be friends with my husband. Which is good and fine. I don't really know what happens to him currently. I never ask hubs about him and he rarely speaks about him too. Melainkan macam kalau kita tanya "siapa ada lepak sama tadi?".. And hubs might mentioned his name too. lain - lain tak da. About the rest of the boys, i really don't know what happened to them. I think everyone is happily married now. Except for one or two. Still remain in touch with two of them, where one of them always around me and hubs. We lepak together from time to time. The other one, memang tak ada jumpa but he will text me once in a blue moon tanya khabar, and u know who he is.

If you ask me, i feel bad for how i treated some of them. I mean, i should not have walked out unnoticed. Mungkin patut still be friends ke apa ke. But being me, hate to respond to texts and such akan buat kita rimas bila org text (see i am not that typical girl who jumps around when receive messages from people. menyampah lagi ada). But on the bright side, some of them are doing extremely well. Dah drive audi bagai kan. Because for some reasons, they think they were not rich enough to be with me and so they try to prove to me that they can do well. Orang yang selalu ingat kita kaya dan materialistic adalah orang yang akan direject immediately. haha..

Ok.. Anyway, my whole point of typing this because just to tell the world that i have a great memory which means i can still remember everything that i had done in the past. Ada yang baik dan ada yang tidak. But i have no regret to any of it because those things had shaped and mould the person i am today. I am very much mature now because of the wrongdoings i did to people even though those things were not that bad either, but still i feel guilty. Untuk yang menyakitkan hati kita yang overly much sampai buat kita rasa useless pun ada juga but lets just say, what you did made me become a calmer person and cold hearted at the same time. Tak sure elok ke tak. Tapi itulah hakikatnya. 

I used to be very friendly, bubbly and empathy. Sekarang after everything, kita jadi, lantak korang lah nak buat pa pun. Hahah.. Ada pro and con. Pro is, i have less drama in lives when i stop mingle around. Con is, i don't know what is currently happening around me. Haha.. Selalu tertinggal bus, tau.. Lol~

Anyway, my advice to all girls out there.. You can either use my way in finding the one (Provided they approach you. Awak jangan menggatal pergi approach dorang). Be friends with a lot of people and start to check who will make you feel comfortable and let you be yourself all the time, Or another option is, just stay put (make yourself look presentable at all times, rupa dan perangai) and just wait for the prince to come. Jodoh itu pasti :')

Apalah kita membebel hari ni..


Fast & Furious 7

Thursday, April 23, 2015

I watched this movie about 3 weeks ago. The whole time i was in the theatre, i just could noy feeling sorry and sad for Paul Walker. Funny. I don't know him in person at all but somehow i know he was a good man. Started to follow his career when i saw him on Varsity Blues then on She's All That. Funny feeling.. To feel sad for a person that you never met, is funny.. But i guess that's human. You will have this empathy and sympathy feeling towards another human being. Well, i hope i would get to watch his final completed movie soon. I can't really recall the title but surely i will watch it.

Til my next update


Happy World Book Day~

Hello blog.

It has been awhile since i last updated you. I had been not that busy but just had too many things in hands which it drained my energy.. Somehow i was just too stressful with my surroundings because everything was just too much to take. To make my life be a wee bit happy and calm, i just do what i think it is necessary to do. Which means means to ignore my surroundings and go on doing the things i like. Which are to read books and eat whatever i feel like eating.

Anyway, yesterday the world celebrated its birthday and today, we are kind of celebrating World Book Day. I never knew we had these kind of days all these years. Tetiba ada hari susu, hari kopi.. Hehe.. Those "days" kind of spicing up our lives, ain't it?.. 

Here is a shout out to those who love books just like me..


This is my current reading,

The Los Angeles Times calls him "a master of the intelligent thriller." Now blockbuster author Nelson DeMille brings back John Corey, the hero of his #1 New York Times bestseller Plum Island, in an epic story of breathless pace, heart-pounding suspense, and chilling fear... 


From a special observation post in New York's JFK Airport, members of the elite Anti-Terrorist Task Force wait for a passenger arriving from Paris: an alleged Libyan terrorist known as "the Lion," who is defecting to the West. Everything is going as planned; Flight 175 with its hundreds of passengers, including the Libyan and his CIA and FBI escorts, is right on schedule. Yet it soon becomes apparent that something is horribly, eerily wrong. And that the affair of Flight 175 is only a prelude to the terror that is to follow...

John Corey, having survived three bullet wounds on the NYPD, knows that he's used up his allotment of good luck. Nevertheless, he signs on as a contract agent with the Federal government's Anti-Terrorist Task Force, working in the high-pressure Mideast section. Kate Mayfield is John's senior in rank and junior in age--a bad combination for both of them. Even so, she is able to hold her own against John's brash style, his contempt for Federal agents, and his obsession with doing everything his way.

As a bloody trail of terror streaks across the country, John and Kate soon learn that their quarry is more than a man; he has the instincts of a wild animal, the blood lust of a carnivore, and the boldness and speed of a cat of prey. The cunning, violence, and ruthlessness that Corey encounters are like nothing he has ever experienced before, even on the streets of New York. Until this assignment, Corey has always been lucky in dodging the fatal bullet. But luck, as he's learned on the streets, at the gambling table, and in love, always runs out. To survive in a new game with no rules at all, he must invent a strategy that includes no luck at all...

More than ever before, Nelson DeMille presents vivid, fully fleshed characters and delivers the signature plot twists and sardonic humor his readers have come to expect. THE LION'S GAME is truly a DeMille to remember.

Above, i shared the book summary. I have not finished yet but what i can share is, i like the plots and how it is written. Kind of full of surprises elements though of course, it is expected but some of it, i did not expect it would too soon. I am enjoying my current book now. Though i don't really have time to read as much as i had the time before. Less than 50 pages a day, frustrating but nevermind.. Better slow than never touch a book. The book has 850pages. Thick and entertaining book :')

Til my next post.