It is going to be a tiring Ramadhan...~

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Hello dearest blog..

Apologize for the previous post. I was so dramatic and worried over nothing.. But to tell the truth, i am glad that i posted such a thing as it "drag" and pull me closer to HIM. I believe, HE loves me and misses me thus HE created such feelings so i would come closer to him. 

Back to the title of today's post. Yes i am indeed very busy and it is going to be a hectic month (ramadhan). First, i kind of promise myself to start progress on my paper. At the same time, i have to commit with THE conference as my SV requested me to. With she herself being the chairperson, would i dare to say NO? Of course not. So i spent weeks in getting the paper done. Submitted and resubmitted. I just hope, they won't ask me to amend it for the third time. I just do not know how to paraphrase everything without including the words from the sources. Come on, it is language and can we change the language? Obviously not. Memanglah akan ada similarity.. Haihhhh..

Thirdly, the final examination-week starts tomorrow and i am going to receive my first bundle tomorrow. So i spent my hours today getting all the carry marks done and posted. Phewwww.. Put the blame on the long weekend i had recently.. I did not do anything while i was in KL. Seriously nothing. Spent my days with family and hubby as i did not go back often last month and due to workloads and commitments, i won't be able to go back this month either.. Until few days before raya.

Fourth, at the same time.. Now is the week of viva. Hence, i have to sacrifice my rest time to advice my students and read their works. Ya rabbi.. Not that i am complaining but seriously.. Does everything has to happen at the same time? If only they could get things done ASAP, i wont be having this headache and i myself do not have to struggle this much. 

To cherry the cake, i am going to invigilate 5 times this time around and hey there will be no break because they place one person in one classroom. Thus, we can't take turns to rest. Thanks to the pentadbiran for being so empathy and nice to us. 

Ok, that is all for now.. This is me not complaining but trying to express the feelings i have bottled up so i won't be too stress up and explode. Hahah..

Til my next update.

Without wax;


Days before Ramadhan~

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Ramadhan is just 2 days away. The month that we all have been waiting for. I always look forward ramadhan and only GOD knows, this time around i feel a little happier as compared to previous years. I really look forward. And i could not be thankful enough that i am still alive and breathing. Kadang - kadang rasa, masa kita dah sampai. I always think about death these days. Would my day is just around the corner and would this ramadhan be my last ramadhan? 
I feel like crying while typing this. Updated a status on fb few days ago and deleted it because i do not want others to think that i just want to seek for attention though i was about to cry at that time. Hari2 aku fikir, masa aku dah tiba and the fact that i had weird dreams for 2 nights in a row makes me feel even worse and more scare. What if i die in few more minutes.. What if i die alone here while everyone is back home in kl? What if? Would people able to notice that i am gone?

Hubs does not really understand what i am currently feeling. Or perhaps he does but he just trying to remain positive. For the first time, I am not looking for anything in days to come. I just want to treasure my current moment and embrace my minutes..

Well blog.. I had no intention to type all these hours ago and was why i let the page stay idled and only started to type this minutes ago. Just would want to let you know, if anything ever happen to me.. I just want the whole world to know that i love my parents too much...

Without wax,


I need all the motivation in the world..~

Monday, June 15, 2015

How do i begin this entry with?

I am trying so hard not to whine or complain as i always believe, the more you complain the more difficult the task would get. However, trying to be positive all by yourselves also is not an easy task to do. You need to be surrounded with good ambient and environment. Be in moderate society, i think we still can handle it.. Pretty much, yes we can.. But poor infrastructure and facilities really do stop me from moving ahead. Or is this could be just another excuse create by me, trying not to feel guilt, maybe.. Lol..

Anyhow, this is what i am currently facing;

1. Poor office condition. To be specific, we are practically suffocated here due to bad air circulation. In short, no air conditioner and the windows are designed in such a way that we can open them. Thank you.
2. Sharing a room with 8 others is just not proper for a slow learner like me to focus on typing and narrating. Considering my academic writing is bad and my english is pretty bad as well.
3. I have yet to have my own PC back home. Which that stops me from doing my study work. I should be doing my study paper at home and not at the office.
4. I am constantly sleepy for the past few days. Gila faktor penuaankah ini?

To keep me going on is by keep on thinking of my parents. I really want to make them feel proud of me. I really do. And it would be a lie if i say i didn't do all these for money. By having the qualification, it allows me to travel extra milestone and gain a little bit more than what ever i have now.

To shorten this entry; dearest self.. Please keep going. Please get things done. Please never take a break for too long. Or else, you will be stuck here forever.

Without wax


Smiles to hide my real feelings..~

Sunday, June 14, 2015

At this particular time, the thing i need the most would be the keys to my own home. I need the keys very badly. Without them, i can't possibly have my own library or office to start my write ups. I am a student, for GOD's sake. I need my space to study.. A proper place for me to sit and read and type. I can't get my paper done at my office because of the ambient just is not right for me and not to forget, the noise.

For whatever reasons, i still do not understand why people have to speak loudly. Pekak ke? Whatever that makes them feel comfortable, lantaklah situ. What i am concern about is when will i be getting my frigging keys??? I purposely did not equip my current house with the items i need because i was suppose to move into my new home last year! It is almost 10months after the "supposed date" and i am still paying my rent.

I really need my space. A comfortable one. Me alone. All by myself. Because yes this journey is a lonely journey not by choice, it is just how it is suppose to be. We could never get our things done if we are surrounded (physically) by others. Tak tekeluar ayat nak karang nanti woi.

What a waste of weekend. Babai 13&14 june. Rugi.. Rugi..

Til my next update.

Without wax,

Getting my Conceptual Done..~

Monday, June 8, 2015

Hey there blog.

Currently i am in the midst of getting my conceptual paper done. Been trying hard to obtain all those related journal prepared by all those ancient gurus. Unfortunately for me, majority of it are just hard to be retrieved. Not sure here in Malaysia or just this university or this campus. Thankfully i have a very thotful and helpful friend in Warrick. She's helping me out now. Could not thank her enough. Appreciate all the effort done by her. I just thank her enough.

At this time, i am not really sure whether i am on track or i am so far from it. Tebabas or tekeluar landasan. If you ask me, i would be proudly say that i am definitely on track. But if you look at my "artwork" we both know, i am so far from it. Nevertheless, i am glad that at least i had the time to actually read and type something although only GOD knows if the thing i done is correct or merely "syok sendiri". 

Back to personal matter. I had a busy week. Monday & tuesday i did my paper. On wednesday, i had to attend a course and left my office around 5pm and drove back to ttdi. On thursday morning dropped my mom off at klia2 and back in melaka with ayah and went to Oceanarium and others. Friday, stuck in my office for whole day and yes i was alone.. Practically alone in this building. Pity me but i was satisfied. On weekend, drove to jb with ayah and hubs. As for tomorrow, i will be driving back to kl to fetch mom and be in shah alam on wednesday. Once my business done in shah alam, i have to be back in melaka immediately. Hopefully GOD will grant me with good health and able to focus on things i am doing and guide me to be great in time management.

Gahhh... See tiring days for me, right? But i am ok with it. Happy to make people around me happy.. Not sure either they really are or what, but i do hope that they do..~

Til my next update..~