I Am Done!!

Thursday, September 13, 2018

Hello blog!

I am generally a nice person. I would try my very best to be there for people. To help them. To ease their lives. To nitivate them. To constantly worry about them. I never ask anything in return just want them to mature a bit and take time to think and digest. Kalau hari2 mengadu benda yang sama, obviously i am out of nice words. Definitely its time to be frank and completely honest (read: direct) in giving my opinions.

Boom. I was bloody stupid. Lagi dia behave macam bebudak main unfollow plak 🤦‍♀️. So i text her this morning and asked her whats her problem. She said “kita tak sehaluan” and also she said my ig posts buat dia sakit hati. Poctures of happy me, menyakitkan hati dia. Now aku sakit hati but since i am not in the mood for an argument and i really dont think i should be bothered, so i ignored her last messages. Lantaklah situ.

Point of me writing this blog today is to remind myself that if anyone tells me that he/she is happy of me being happy, then pls by all means don’t believe that fella. She is a living proof. Dia sakit hati with my ig posts. Do i need to be miserable then only we can be sehaluan? I am sorry if my life is better. I am sorry if ur life is dreadful and as u claim “meaningless”. I am sorry i never made my problems public. I am sorry if i never share abt my hurdles. It is simple because u or any one that has never been on post-grad journey would never understand. It is a battle with time, money, emotion and support system.

I am done with u. I have trying hard to be so positive for u. Trying to pull u up, tp ko boleh sakit hati dgn ig posts aku. Seriously?? Aku tak boleh brain. So from now on, good luck with whatever u are doing. Well, u are not the first person pun yg hidup terumbang ambing then bila aku dah halfway bantu and org tu sakit hati dengan aku. Dgn kuarkan ayat “u are not in my position so u wont understand”. Dgn ayat2 tu, aku jadi lebih kenal kau. Dari dulu sampai skrg ko tak boleh tgk aku lebih dr kau. Kau pun penah mengaku yg kau kejar aku semaunya tapi kau dah x larat nak kejar. And now, kau cakap kau sakit hati dgn ig post aku. Clearly u have never changed!

I am done. So done! Aku tak mau ungkit apa2. I am just done!

Draft 1 Done..~

Wednesday, August 8, 2018

Hey blog.

I think it was early of June when i submitted my very first draft to my CO-SV. And it was 3 weeks ago when she informed me that she had finished reading the first three chapters. Yes, it was raya season. So not everyone would have the mood to read a complete thesis. Totally understand! Anyhow, 2 weeks ago, i emailed her the correction of my first and third chapter. Last friday, i went to meet her to get her feedback. So, my corrections somehow met with her expectations. Then she spent about 40 minutes to read my chapter 5 and 6.

There and then, she gave me her feedback. It was not as horrible as i thought it would be. But need to remember, she is not very particular in terms of your tonal or language stricture. Which means, she respects a person's way of writing. Some typical SV, would want you to write the way he/she writes. Ini memang masalah besar. You know, everybody has their own lenggok, interpretation, cara menulis, and obviously not everyone can master the writing skills. 

As of today, i am trying to start on my correction for chapter 5. i really hope that i can get it done by this weekend. So next monday, i may print 2 copies. 1 for my co-sv to keep and another one to get my main sv to read. I really hope she can give me her feedback pronto and of course with minor amendments needed. Also, during the meeting with her, i intend to discuss about my potential examiners. I hope she'll like my suggestion of names. Because i already have 3 names; internal, external - local, and external - international.

Moga - moga dipermudahkan. Moga - moga semuanya baik - baik sahaja. 

I don't think that i have readers. But if anyone happens to read my post, i really hope that u people could pray for my PhD journey to complete with flying colors, minimum problems and dramas. 


Til my next post.


To Whom It May Concern... A Closure...~

Thursday, June 7, 2018

This entry is mainly for you.. I hope you are reading this. Because somehow, deep down i know that you have been following my blog.. Or maybe no more.. But who knows, tetiba you decided to read, kan..

I have not been on my laptop for weeks. Since the last day i typed my final chapter of my first draft. I needed a break for awhile. But today, i decided to turn it on. And i am not the checking email type kind of person. The personal email, i meant. So decided to log in to my gmail account.. I synchronized it with my very old yahoo accounts so all those old mails were there along with new mails (not so new though)..

Anyway, decided to clear my inbox. Thousands of emails were deleted. I kept about 23 emails. Four were from you, one from my former undergrad research adviser, two from an old friend in HK, two from late friend, remaining emails were from Dzul. 

Your emails were from March 2008. I read all four and started to think something. I am not sure how true were the words. You sounded so hurt and unsecured. I treated you badly and i did not tell you why in the first place. Left you hanging and wondering. Well, maybe if i was more open to you, you won't feel the way you felt and won't do what you did after March 2008. Well, i did tell you what actually happened but it did not stop you from feeling insecure, or drive you to start making a move and lie to me for a year. We fought and made up. So many times. 

But, I wonder why every time after you apologized, it won't take too long for you to start feeling insecure again and the whole thing started again. Cukup tiga kali, kita rasa i just had enough. It is not i did not love you. I did. Very much. Cuma, i am done trying. Even i tried to get back again with you in Dec 2011, but all of sudden i just thought it will not be fair for both of us to go through anything anymore. Considering i already found out that i would be relocated in February 2012. So decided to be away from you not only was a smart move for me but i know you will be better without me. Like what you have written in the email (in 2008), we were not made for each other no matter how much we loved each other.

I don't know how much you kept from me, from your family, from your friends.. I kept almost everything to myself even to this date. And i intend to keep it that way. No one really had a clue of how i felt and what i felt after Dec 2011. Let it be my little secret. 

Just so you know, thinking of random things is just who i am. I would start thinking if i get triggered by anything. So yeah, i would think of the past... Not to "travel in the past" or regret on anything.. It is just me doing such as to avoid myself from making the same mistake twice. Like what i am doing now. I read your emails, and that leaded me to think. 

So to whom it may concern, if you ever read this.. I just want to apologize to you once again. I did apologize to you back in March 2012, but di bulan Ramadhan yang barakah ini, I am apologizing again. Semoga awak lekas berjumpa jodoh yang paling sempurna di mata awak dan keluarga. Jodoh yang mampu membahagiakan awak lebih dari orang2 terdahulu termasuk kita. 

Selamat hari raya aidilifitri & maaf zahir batin, awak.

A closure...

Adept Series - Book 1

Monday, April 16, 2018

Hello dearest blog.
After so many weeks and months, i am finally back here. As usual, life is pretty the same with nothing except i finished the book i posted about, and went to Hong Kong in February and Bangkok in March. And April is a month that is suppose to be a productive month for me but i don't know what went wrong, i injured myself again after helping husband and fell sick. Still recovering now. So yeah.. It slowed down my progress on writing my thesis. But alhamdulillah, as of today i have finished writing 19/21 hypotheses. I planned to finish somewhere on the 10th but well, i failed. 

Since i cant do much with injured hand, i decided to finish my old book and currently reading a new one; Adept Series by Robert Finn. Reading book 1 now (Adept) and second book would be Ex Machina and third one is Underlife. But i do not have the second and third one. I will buy them during the next Big Bad Wolf (Kalau Ingat). Here is the cover of the book and the synopsis;

David Braun's troubles begin when he's called to investiage an unusually violent break-in, which leaves two criminals dead and a crime scene that raises more questions than it answers. A meeting with the building's sinister owner only adds to the mystery. Braun turns to American academic Susan Milton, from the London School of Antiquities, to help him make sense of the situation. Risking their lives, they expose a horrifying secret that's centuries old - but the discovery makes them the target of a ruthless killer the police just can't catch. With time running out, David and Susan race to uncover the killer's true objective even as he closes in on them...

I just started reading this one. It has 878 pages and i just finished page 124. So far, i like the book. Although is it a criminal book, but during time like this i really need a light book... Since i do not have the desire to read chick flick for the time being. Go read the reviews, some provided positive remarks and some gave negative comments. It is up to you to decide, if you ever want to read this. 

Til my next book :)


Must Read... (I)..~

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Hello dearest blog,

As usual, i have been very busy. No.. Nope about finishing my research PhD thesis but more on entertaining family from both sides.. In-laws were here in Melaka for the long weekend. SO it was really hectic. Pre-during-post activity like cleaning the house-entertaining-more house cleaning. Boy it was a tiring weekend. Then the following weekend which it was this recently, i was in KL. Did not do much activity just me spending tinme with hub and my family lepaking at home and dine out as to celebrate parents' 46th wedding anniversary. I assume i already had my breaks for too long. Hence, i decided to start back on writing my thesis. 

Just finished making corrections for two papers of mine that will be published soon, InsyaAllah.. And so, i believe this is the perfect timing for me to restart in finishing my chapter 3. Then with or without guidance from my supervisor, i will start on my chapter 5. I am behind schedule which this is not me. I don't usually be this lazy... I really don't know what is happening to me..

Furthermore, i have not been reading my books/novels. I should start that one too. A way of stopping wasting too much of my time in playing games on my phone. Which that activity does not really bring much benefits to me. With that being said, below is the book that i am about to start reading. Bought this book ages ago.. But u know me.. Finish one book and buy 20 more. And read the new one and neglect the old one :)).. 

Below here is the synopsis of the book.. I need this kind of book at the moment.. Relax and light..

Amber Salpone doesn't mean to keep ending up in bed with her friend Greg Walterson, but she can't help herself. And every time it 'just happens' their secret affair moves closer to being a real relationship, which is a big problem when he's a womaniser and she's a commitment-phobe.

While Amber struggles to accept her new feelings for Greg, she also realises that her closeness to Jen, her best friend, is slipping away and the two of them are becoming virtual strangers. Slowly but surely, as the stark truths of all their lives are revealed, Amber has to confront the fact that chocolate can't cure everything and sometimes running away isn't an option . . .

The Chocolate Run is a delectable tale of lust, love and chocolate.
Who needs love when you've got chocolate?

Til my next update,

Harry Potter..~

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Hey there blog..

Remember my last post? I went to Phuket last week for a conference? Do you know that the post conference just requires as much work as before the conference take place? Well it depends on certain situation and or unforeseen circumstances. Last night when i was about to sleep, an emailed received. It mentioned that i needed to do a bit of adjustments to the paper i presented last week to meet with the publication requirement. 

Promised myself that i will get it done today. But of course with too many things on my mind... With 3 papers to adjust and amend, i just decided to delay everything a bit. Thought of watching Harry Potter for many days even before i went to Phuket. Started with the 3rd one 2 weeks ago, turned on the 4th one last night but decided to sleep while it was still on.. 

About 15 minutes ago, i just finished watching the 4th one, that would be the one with the cup.. And currently i am listening ("watching") the 5th one; the half blood prince while typing this entry. Bebetul aku nak amek mood to start writing. I need to inform Dr Ramesh about me can't get the chapter in book done. I think the journal publications are far more important. 1 is due on 4th dec and another one is due on 15th dec. So i am just gonna get those two done first and ONLY if i have time then only i will start doing the chapter in book.

Anyhow, i wonder why there are no these kind of movies these days.. I miss watching movies like Harry Potter, Inkheart, Narnia, Twilight.. Fantasy, non-logic-yet-somehow-it-makes-sense movies. I miss these sort of relax movies. These are the kind of movies that you can watch again and again without feeling bored. So yeah, I really hope they will make more movies like such.. There must be books that they can adapt. 

Til my next updates..

ps: I might watch the balance of HP later *wink*


My Phuket 2017~

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Hello blog..
I was in Phuket for 3 days or so. I attended a conference and took the opportunity to walk at the Patong Beach for a day. Beach has not really be my favourite. Even if i wanna do some water activity, that would be some kind of snorkeling (kot). The conference was ok. The night i got there was a bit challenging and Alhamdulillah i was not alone. Husband was around. He helped me through out the night. I could not be happier that he was around.

Incomar 2017

Me with Dr Rozita

Halal lunch set prepared for us by Marina Kitchen Halal
Attending the conference, enjoyed yummy lunch and slept for 2 hours was practically how i spent my first day. We stayed at Boat Lagoon Resorts that is 17km away from Patong beach. Away from common tourists' attractions. But i was ok with it because we were just next to Kampung Melayu. Meaning to say, halal food was easy to find. As for dinner, i had orange juice while others enjoyed some roasted duck rice and tomyam noodle.

This roasted duck rice was yummy
We had simple breakfast in our room. We bought some butter and bread and milk when we were out for dinner the night before. After breakfast, hubs and i went to Patong beach just to kill time by listening to some people preach crap hoping we would buy from them. As token of appreciation, they gave us 5000 baht for meal or spa. We spent every dime on food. Lunch by ourselves and dinner with fixo and her mate. We ordered the most expensive meal we can find on the menu, 1480 baht along with drinks and some cream pasta.

Seafood combo
After our late lunch, we walked from beach to the Patong town. Along the way, we bought some souvenirs for people back home. And went to the mall and waited for izza and nada for dinner. While waiting, we ordered some drinks. Trust me, the graan tea frappe there was the bomb. around 7pm only they reached the coffee shop. Just in time for dinner. 

Izza's meal; lime baramundi

Nada's meal; caramel banana and cinnamon pancake

Mine; salsa nachos

My dessert; mocha something.. cake and ice creams

My dinner mates

After dinner, we continue on walking as friends wanted to buy some souvenirs. and after that, we headed back to our hotel and checked the next day. That was how i spent my days in Phuket. Don't think i wanna go there again. But definitely will fly to Bangkok soon as i bought a 3d2n room in Anantara Riverside Resort.

Til my next update..~